Navigating Life with PTSD After Trauma: Personal Reflections on a Long-Term Journey

Navigating Life with PTSD After Trauma: Personal Reflections on a Long-Term Journey Disclaimer: I am not an expert on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or psychological health. What follows is my personal perspective and understanding of living with PTSD, especially in the context of enduring a traumatic event such as a house fire. For those of us who have lived through a traumatic event, the journey of recovery and returning to a semblance of normalcy is often long and riddled with challenges. Trauma, such as surviving a house fire, leaves scars deeper and more complex than what the eye can see. These scars, deeply embedded in our psyche, manifest as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), impacting daily life in ways that can be hard to articulate. PTSD is like an unwelcome shadow, following you silently yet palpably. Years after the fire that upended my world, I find its echoes in the most mundane aspects of life. One of the most pronounced effects is a constant state of hyper-vigilance. A sudden loud noise, the smell of smoke from a barbecue, or even the warmth of a fireplace can trigger an intense anxiety response, a throwback to the traumatic event. Avoidance is another aspect. I didn’t go to the house, I wouldn’t/ couldn’t afterwards.– anything that remotely resembles fire can be too much to bear, even now I can’t do fires in the summer, I don’t want to roast marshmallows , I struggle when being in someones house with a wood burning fireplace. Along with avoidance, there’s emotional numbing, a coping mechanism where you detach from emotions and experiences to protect yourself. Flashbacks are not just a cinematic concept; they are vivid, distressing replays of the trauma that can occur unexpectedly. These are often accompanied by nightmares that disrupt sleep and can lead to insomnia. In my case the insomnia is still there almost two years later. Relationships can also bear the brunt of PTSD. The emotional roller coaster makes it challenging to maintain healthy relationships. Irritability, mood swings, and a tendency to withdraw into a shell can strain even the strongest bonds. When I speak of this it is in general , Tanner and I are good. However it took us awhile to figure out our new normal with the trauma. One of the hardest parts of living with PTSD is the struggle to return to normal. You yearn for the person you were before the trauma, but you also realize that your experience has irrevocably changed you. I struggle in all social situations, I don’t like to go out, I struggle even the children going to school being out of my sight something bad happening and not being there to “save” them. Over time, I’ve learned coping mechanisms. Mindfulness and grounding techniques help in managing anxiety. Therapy, offers a space to process the trauma. Art and writing have become outlets for expression, helping to make sense of the tangled emotions. And by art I mean I love watching my children and Tanner make the art. I have zero artistic talents. A robust support system is invaluable. Friends, family, and support groups provide the emotional scaffolding needed to navigate the rough days. Not everybody has a good support system that makes it a bit trickier to manage. But its doable. Gradually, there's a realization that ‘normal’ is subjective. Accepting the new version of yourself, with all its complexities and nuances, is a significant step in healing. This acceptance paves the way for post-traumatic growth, a profound sense of personal development emerging from the struggle with trauma. Living with PTSD after a traumatic event is a journey marked by ups and downs. The impacts on daily life can be profound and enduring. However, amidst the challenges, there are opportunities for growth, resilience, and a deeper understanding of oneself and life. It’s about finding balance, seeking support, and gradually rebuilding a life where the past doesn't overshadow the present. To those on a similar journey, know that while the path is not easy, it is not insurmountable. With time, support, and self-compassion, it is possible to carve out a path toward healing and rediscovery.